As difficult as a divorce can be for a married couple, it can be just as upsetting and confusing for a child. Parents tend to want what is best for their children and dragging things out through a litigated divorce is just going to cause more pain. With mediation, you can often talk through each aspect of your divorce agreement without needing to take things to court or deal with multiple lawyers.
If you want the situation to go as smoothly as possible, choosing mediation with a professional divorce mediator is your best option. Mediation gives you and your spouse the opportunity to set an example for your children that you can reconcile your differences in a healthy and mature manner.
Deciding Child Custody Through Mediation
When it comes to deciding the specifics of custody and how each parent will spend time with their children, there are two options. The first is going to court and letting a judge ultimately decide what is best for the children. The second option is through mediation and coming to a decision with your spouse about what is best for your kids. If you can put aside your differences for the sake of your children, you will be able to come to an agreement on custody that is more informed than the court, which does not truly know you or your children and will be making decisions based on limited information.
Mediation is a Neutral Ground, Court is Adversarial
The court system is inherently adversarial, and litigating a divorce can end up pitting one parent against the other to the detriment of the child’s well being. Many decisions will be made at the whims of the judge and you will have very little control over many of the decisions that need to be made in a divorce.
Maintaining Control of Custody Decisions
No one knows your child like you and your spouse do, so why should a third party be the one to make the decisions that will affect your child’s future? Obviously there are cases where a judge needs to get involved, but if you and your spouse are willing to work together for the sake of your child, you can likely come to an agreement that you both agree is in the best interest of your child.
Past Mistakes vs. Future Wellbeing
The court’s adversarial nature will make you shine a light on past parenting mistakes of your spouse which can just lead to more anger and resentment. In mediation, the goal is not to place blame for past wrongs, but rather for both parties to focus their energy on working to raise their children in the future. The constant state of conflict often found in court divorces just causes more stress for the parents and their children.
Mediation Avoids Having Children Make Custody Decisions
No child should have to make decisions about which parent they want to live with when their parents get divorced. Children can feel guilt and stress when forced into being part of the decision making process in regards to custody. Mediation encourages parents to focus on the future of their child and make the best decisions.
Divorce Mediation is Faster
Litigated divorce can drag on for many months or even years in some cases. Mediation cases help you save time and avoid the stress of a dragged out adversarial court battle. Divorce can have a negative effect on the mental health of your child, but once the divorce is finalized, it is easier for them to acclimate to the new situation. Divorce mediation is a professionally guided problem-solving oriented towards meeting the needs of the whole family. Separation mediation is also an option for those looking to get a legal separation instead of a traditional divorce.
Mediation is Often Cheaper than Litigated Divorce
One of the biggest costs associated with a litigated divorce is retaining a lawyer for both parties. Lawyers can cost hundreds of dollars an hour and given that litigated divorces are often long and drawn out, you can easily end up with thousands of dollars in expenses when all is said and done. With an experienced mediator, you can typically forego retaining a lawyer (although some couples still choose to use lawyers even while pursuing mediation).
Similarly, because you are talking face to face and alongside a professional mediator you can often come to a conclusion incredibly quickly which saves you time and money. Overall, mediated divorces are far cheaper on average.
Consider Your Children at Every Step
You should consider your child at every step during divorce. After all, this doesn’t just affect you and your spouse, but the whole family. The dynamic will surely change, but that doesn’t mean your child can’t still have a happy and healthy childhood in spite of the divorce.
